Justice League Will Suck – Here’s Why

It’s no surprise that Justice League is the equivalent of doing your project the night before you’re supposed to hand it in. It hasn’t even opened yet but feels rushed, forced and put together like Frankenstein’s monster.

While I am not a Marvel fan boy or a DC cheerleader, I am however an avid supporter of the superhero genre of movies we have been blessed with so far. I want Justice League to succeed so bad that sacrificing chickens is not out of the question just yet.

The critic in me however, feels as if we are in for something of a Fantastic Four proportions and here is why.

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen

After Zack Snyder left, there would’ve probably been a collective sigh of relief from one side and a gasp on the other. While Snyder may have had his own ‘unique’ way of filming, it wasn’t loved by many, or even suitable for some.

When Joss Whedon came on board, again a collective sigh of relief from one side and a general outpouring of concern from the other. Whedon has performed miracles in the age of cinema and television (I still sing along to the Angel theme song and cry every time Firefly is mentioned).

But the man, in my opinion, is the polar opposite of Zack Snyder in terms of style and substance. Where Snyder bombards you with the flashiest of light and the most mesmerizing use of CGI, Whedon keeps you glued with the dialogue and overall smoothness of the film.

It’s like a vegan cooking a beef stew. That kitchen isn’t ready, man.

The Kitchen is Warner Brothers

Warner Brothers, despite all their lessons with numerous failures as a result of rushing along films just to get them out in time, still haven’t learnt the fundamental point: Don’t serve a dish that isn’t even finished cooking.

Marvel got it right. Yeah sue me. They took a step, followed by another step, followed by a little jump and fell flat on their arse (See: Iron man 2, Thor 2) but then steadied themselves with another little step.

WB on the other hand decides to Jump as high as possible, landing in the ‘superhero pose’ and taking the biggest macho looking walk down Hollywood as is possible, with a broken leg and 6 battered ribs. WB has no plan; the list of dates for the next few movies are indicative of just how unprepared they really are.

The Cast ain’t Ready, Man

Aside from Jason Mamoa and Gall Gadot, no other star seems ready for Justice League. It’s as if they’re hesitant talk about it, just in case the little celebrity power they have left vanishes like the Flash film.

There are numerous examples where the cast and crew remained silent knowing full well that the movie they starred in is utter horseshit. Fantastic Four, I’m looking at you (And you, Battlefield Earth).

Aside from the constant mutterings that Batfleck wants to leave, I’ve heard nothing from Ezra Miller, or the dude playing Cyborg, see? See, the dude that’s playing cyborg. That’s his moniker.

Re-shoots, Re-shoots, Re-shoots

You get a re-shoot, you get a re-shoot…..EVERYBODY GETS A RE-SHOOOT!!!!

What good has ever come from a reshoot?

A simple yet complicated question to answer. One could point to the Blade Runner as an example that re-shoots aren’t always bad. Scott Pilgrim and Rocky similarly suffered from the re-shoot curse, but came out unscathed and even more appealing. It’s as if the re-shoots gave it a little scar above its brow to make it more macho and broody.

However, re-shoots are there to add or fix something missing from the film. With Warner Bro’s themselves admitting to lengthy re-shoots, what could possibly have been the cause for them? My best guess would be that Whedon took one look at the Snyder product and threw up through his eyes.

 

Warner Brothers wanted a tonal change and to add some dialogue (well, that’s the word on the street). Considering that JL will showcase 7 superhuman individuals coming together to save the world from a seemingly overwhelmingly strong bad guy, describing an early review of the film ‘unwatchable’ doesn’t bode well.

Too Much Pressure

The older sibling has the pressure to set the precedent, agreed? Justice League is that older sibling that all the other ‘small’ films will look up to and rely on.

But we’ve all seen it, the older brother screws up because of the immense pressure it’s under, turns to a life of crime only to fade away in the memories after a few years. If it’s lucky. We’ll never forget the Batman nipples, NEVER!

What Does this Mean for Justice League?

Warner Brothers has this grand plan to introduce the other major players in JL and hope they are met with praise and worship so that their solo outings will be easy to understand.

While the decision to move forward in this manner must’ve come entirely from the WB big brass (and not their desire to do nothing like Marvel), it seems like they’ve heaped this enormous weight on the older sibling for no logical reason.

Justice League has a lot going for it, don’t get me wrong. Joss Whedon is a legend in Hollywood for making the most iconic characters household names with his sheer visual prowess. JL has arguably the biggest upcoming (and then some) stars in The Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and that cyborg guy.

But one cannot shake the feeling that Batman v Superman was only just the iceberg and this is the moment the titanic actually sinks.

Dug this? Or have a bone to pick with Garth? Follow him on Twitter @Gcw90.

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