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Baywatch – A Hot Mess

Oh dear God. I was so bored within five minutes of watching Baywatch that I literally thought ‘this was a mistake’. That is, until a girl rejects Zac Efron in the worst way -but then she falls for him in the end! I can spoil this for you because I don’t think you should bother watching Baywatch. Here’s why:

The only good thing about Baywatch is how The Rock rags on Zac Efron, calling him ‘One Direction’, ‘High School Musical’ and my personal favourite: ‘Malibu Ken’. Don’t tell me The Rock’s name is Dwayne Johnson, I don’t believe you.

Other highlights include seeing Zac Efron and The Rock doing an insane Ninja Warrior meets World’s Strongest Man-type obstacle course, as well as the beautiful women they found for this movie, in true Baywatch style.

On the other hand, they turn the Heimlich maneuver into a porn scene and rely on a cheap penis joke for laughs.

There’s some boring backstory with Priyanka Chopra that doesn’t really take off and having a zip in the front of a low cut bathing suit is seriously unnecessary.

They were trying to ensure that Baywatch was nothing like the show and I ensure you that the style is completely different. The only similarities are the bathing suits and diving into fire to save people off of boats. The movie wasn’t exciting, it wasn’t funny, it was bleh.

I don’t know who they thought their target market is but please ask the next teenager you see who David Hasselhoff is. And then ask the next parent you see whether they would go see Baywatch. They won’t. They’ll hate it. And for all of us in between, we’ve been spoilt with much better comedy than what they’re trying to shove into this disaster.

What a waste of The Rock.

The 19% on Rotten Tomatoes told me that I shouldn’t watch Baywatch, but the audience score is 64% and I hoped that maybe they were doing that thing where it’s bad in a good way! They tried, but no. It was just bad.


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Jeslyn is a perpetual sloth, but more importantly, a chocolate and wine aficionado. She likes to write sometimes, read most of the time and watch TV all of the time.