AnalysisFilmReviewsSpoiler-Free Reviews

Captain Jack Sparrow used to be funny

Even though I’m usually very keen to participate in the antics of Captain Jack Sparrow, I was hesitant to see Salazar’s Revenge/Dead Men Tell No Tales (Philosopher’s stone/Sorcerer’s stone debacle all over again) because I have extreme sequel fatigue.

It’s so bad that I considered making a sweeping declaration that I would never watch a sequel again; but Pitch Perfect 3 should be out in December so I’ll wait until after that. BUT New Year’s resolution 2018: No more sequels! Except for Wonder Woman, obviously.

If you haven’t seen the fourth movie, you’re not missing much and can easily move onto this one.

But to catch you up quickly: Captain Jack was looking for the Fountain of Youth with Penelope Cruz and her dad, Blackbeard. It seemed as if Jack gave the last of the water from the fountain to her but he definitely snuck some for himself because he has not aged a single day, unlike actual Johnny Depp who doesn’t look too great right now.

The most important thing to come out of On Stranger Tides (part four) is that Jack retrieves the Black Pearl in miniature form, safely kept inside a bottle.

Dead Men Tell No Tales starts with Henry Turner -son of Will and Elizabeth- who’s making it his life’s aim to save his father from his eternal fate on the Flying Dutchman.

Orlando Bloom (Will Turner) makes a barnacle clad appearance early on but there is barely a sign of Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightly), to the point where her young son is essentially trying to commit suicide by drowning in the middle of the ocean just to see his dad. There isn’t a shot of her hysterically panicking that her son’s out of the house in the middle of the night -it’s neglectful really.

My favourite thing about the Pirates series is that there’s always a specific aim for each movie, just like an X on a treasure chest, the adventure always leads to a key, a heart, the fountain of youth, and now the seemingly most elusive of them all, the Trident of Poseidon; which can only be found on a map that no man can read.

Henry Turner and Jack both need Poseidon’s trident as it controls all of the ocean and would save Will Turner from being on the Flying Dutchman forever, and save Captain Jack’s life as the boogeyman – in the form of Captain Salazar – is out to get him.

The downfall of awaiting one main resolution however, is that I started to get distracted about halfway through, and I barely remember specifics about the plot even though I’ve watched the movie a few days ago.

The cast is great -except for Henry and Carina- the Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann replacements. There’s an interesting story line which includes Captain Barbossa, and Captain Jack always has the best introduction scenes. But I found that I just didn’t laugh as much as usual.

Coming from someone who owns the first three movies on DVD (yes, for real), I was disappointed.

On a positive note I can say (without spoiling too much) that there are a few surprises: the monkey is back, they let a woman steer a ship, Captain Jack gets married for a bit and one of our beloved characters die. The death may not be positive but at least it was an interesting turn of events. Also I don’t think anyone ever really dies in this series; they usually just can’t walk on land again and there’s a post-credits scene, so I doubt this is going to end, no matter what they say.

Although I don’t regret watching the movie, it’s pretty cold outside and perhaps I should have waited for the movie to come on TV. If you’re not a fan, I suggest that’s exactly what you should do.


Loved this review of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales?  You can check out more full reviews & spoiler-free reviews from Films and TV Series we love. Please share this post if you enjoyed!

Click here to read more posts by Jeslyn on BTG Lifestyle

You can find Jeslyn Online here:

Jeslyn on Instagram

Follow Jeslyn on Twitter @jeslynczee

You can follow BTG Lifestyle on Twitter @btglifestyle and click here and LIKE us on Facebook. Subscribe to the BTG Lifestyle blog for updates, and email us at [email protected] if you have feedback, or would like to collaborate with us.


Jeslyn is a perpetual sloth, but more importantly, a chocolate and wine aficionado. She likes to write sometimes, read most of the time and watch TV all of the time.